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| My favorite volcano, Mt. Rainier |
Returning to Seattle is so bittersweet. There are so many things I love about it (the mountains, the clean streets, the way people are so nice to pedestrians).
The fact that I can teach writing classes at Hugo House again, drink Peet's Coffee, walk around Greenlake, ride my bike with less fear of getting run over.
And so many other things.
Yet, there is a lot more crapola I have to deal with here than when I'm in Mexico. A million doctors appointments and -oscopies and -grams to make up for the ones I didn't do to in Mexico. Spending fortune on my poor, aging car. Avocadoes that cost $3 piece.
Worst of all, perhaps, is dealing with my ex.
Now my ex, deep down, is a nice person. A kind, empathetic, loving person. But in the latter years of our marriage, he did not act that way for various reasons.
He definitely has not acted that way in the last few months, because since my return to the U.S. in April, he hasn't let me see my dog, Sugar.
Legally, we share Sugar. Up until recently, we have more or less amicably shared her, trading weeks with her when I am in town. And she, being the cutest pug (and possibly the cutest dog) on earth, is one of my greatest joys.
She is smart, fun, cuddly, friendly. Sugar is also much more bonded to my ex than she is to me, and it was like that even before we got divorced, but no matter.
I love her and I miss her so much when I am gone. I look forward to returning to Seattle so I can see her and walk her and hug her and kiss her and play with her.
Now, instead, I am in a legal battle with my ex just so I can see her.
Many wise people have told me just to walk away. To give up. That's it would be better not to have him in my life anyway.
They are right. I probably should. But I haven't been able to.
I have also been asking my mom, in her ethereal state, what I should do. And even she thinks I should walk away. She who loved dogs very much and was never without one.
So along with all the good things about life here: stunning strolls in the mountains, Shakespeare in the park, walking around Greenlake, catching up with friends, camping on islands, and biking on lovely bike paths, I'm gonna be fighting my f*cking ex in court. And missing my lovely little dog so much.
But that's just life isn't it? Always the mixture, the bitter, the sweet, the good, the bad.
In Mexico, it's just a different mix of stuff, maybe a little more on the habanero-chile-flavored side. At least there, I can pretend like the bitter aftermath of this divorce isn't happening.
Here, at least lately, I come face to face with it every day. Not only in with the load of memories that press down on me when I'm here, but now with the glaring absence of Sugar.
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| Avalanche lilies at Mt. Rainier |
Oh well.
As I battle my ex and miss my dog, I'll try to keep appreciating the good.
Like wildflowers, which almost always boost my mood.
