The ambivalent part-time expat (that's me)

 Vallodolid, Yucatan, MX

A few years ago, I had this fantasy that if I could just move to Mexico for six months I would become 1)nearly fluent in Spanish and 2)a more relaxed person who could  3)salsa dance up a storm.

OK, goals two and three are still in progress. But I am happy to report that I am nearly fluent in Spanish. That's because, since 2016, I have spent about a year and a half all-told hanging out down here.

And that, as most of you know, is because I fell in love with a Mexican. Which is really by far the best way to learn Spanish. And though my relationship with him appears to be flourishing, my relationship with Mexico is more tortured. 

Laguna Bacalar, Quintana Roo, MX

I love it on the one hand, because it is absolutely beautiful. The country bursts with natural and cultural treasures. Mountains, lakes, hot springs, charming towns, white-sand beaches, vibrant indigenous culture, gorgeous folk art, a fascinating history that's represented in many well-preserved ruins and archaeological sites.

Then there's the food. Mangos, avocados, tacos al pastor, sopa tarasco, habanero salsa, cemitas, tamales, pan dulce, pan de queso, tlacloyos, chiles en nogada...I could go on listing my favorites. Just know that every region in Mexico has its own twist on these foods, its own specialties, and every region in Mexico thinks it has the best food in all of Mexico. 

Lago de Patzcuaro, Michoacán, MX

And they are probably all right. 

I have been so lucky to travel all over this country. But what I've realized, now that I have spent time living here off and on, is that I much prefer traveling in Mexico to living here. 

Because I am a spoiled American at heart. I know there are many expats who love being here, who have no desire to return to the U.S. - because of its politics, because it's so expensive, because the pace is so hectic, because of many things. 

I don't think I'm one of them though. My heart  belongs to the USA. To Seattle and the northwest. I am a spoiled American at heart and there many things I miss.

Here are just a few of them:

Pachuca, Hidalgo MX

Trader Joe's and Whole Foods. Soy creamer. Peet's Coffee. Thai food. National parks with well-marked trailheads. Composting and recycling. Showers with water pressure and reliable hot water. Knowing that if I have a heart attack in my house, an ambulance will be there promptly to try to save me. People who speak my language. My dog. My car. Artsenal doughnuts.

And yet...
I've been here for four months this time around, and while I want to go home, I also don't want to go home.

Here I can actually afford my life. When I go back to Seattle, this time with my boyfriend in tow (who has miraculously acquired a visa to stay for a while),  I will need to get a better-paying job to pay the rent. Or else I will need to go to a cheaper city where the rents aren't so high, of which there are many, but my heart belongs in Seattle...

Tepoztlan, Morelos MX

Or maybe my heart belongs in Mexico. I don't know. All I know is that being a part-time expat is confusing. It's like I don't exactly know where my home is anymore.

And that's OK for now. After all, as a Gemini, ambivalence is my constant state of being anyway.

Plus, look at all the  cool stuff I've gotten to see in the last four months!

(And if you think this post is really just an excuse to show off some of my recent photos of Mexico, you'd be right).